i love you
Tenderyou never really know someone until you've seen them angry, distressed, at their lowest low.
you never really know how broken someone is until they crack.
i've had a threat of domestic abuse towards me and yet, despite my emotional hurt and fear of the situation, i feel for this person.
i believe that if you can recognize a character flaw within yourself, you can defeat it,
that until you are content with yourself and your life, or make it so that you are [relationships of any kind aside], you will not be able to function properly in those relationships that come along,
that when you go through your personal life hurt, there is a time where you decide what type of person you will be for the rest of your life...
be the situations and the people that hurt you
or be the love that should have been there in the first place.
i'm sure there are all sorts of inbetweens, but i made the decision to try to be the love as best as i could be.
also, if i've ever told you that you don't need someone, that is because i believe that and i know that with or without people i will wake up in the morning if i am supposed to, because no one dictates my heart pumping and my brain carrying out motor functions, etc. in a strictly literal/functional way, someone dying, leaving, etc. will never cause your body to shut down.
also, no one can take the beauty out of a sunset.
i think in these situations that want is far more important than need, because if i needed you, you'd be around whether or not i chose for you to be.
but if i want you in my life, you're there because i want you to be. i choose to spend time on those people and tasks knowing that they do not send oxygen to my brain, give me a warm place to sleep, pay my bills, or thwart hunger.
[in more emotional ways, i'm sure that all of this is bollocks and i know that the people i care about and my music and art keep me going-but just ignore that for now]
my point is, that when it comes to relationships, i think wanting them is far more important than needing them.
this man who threatened me is more broken than i could have ever thought.
despite the nasty things he said to me, being heartless, someone that no person would ever want to be apart of any relationship with, etc. i still worry for him.
he hasn't dealt with the hurt that he was subject too and he is becoming what hurt him.
i hate to see that happen but he has to begin the healing process himself or he will always need and think it is just want, until whatever it is he had is gone and he hits rock bottom again.
passion and desire, at least mine, are fired from want, not need.
i need new shoes, but i have no desire to buy them. but i want to spend time with the people of the world, so i travel, or spend time writing this post that makes no sense, or have conversations until the wee hours of the morning with a friend half way across the world.
i'd rather spend money on the the things that make life worth living than those that perhaps make it easier sometimes. like shoes. haha.
what a horrible example.
my apologies if all of this is just gobbledigook. i'll try to be more articulate next time.
to be continued...
all my love,
really,
jamey
I have featured your work in this news article, here: [link]
love, John Paul
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I'm a very difficult person but I take comfort in the fact that God made me that way.
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